Chuck Norris Hasn’t Died
Chuck Norris has reportedly permitted mortality to take a temporary victory lap.
Sources close to the legend (i.e., everyone on the internet) confirm that the man who successfully counted to infinity—twice—decided the only way to keep things interesting was to let Death think it won … for now. Probably just so he could roundhouse kick the Grim Reaper in the soul and send him back to the underworld with a participation trophy. The man will be greatly missed by everyone.
In otherworldly news, aliens.gov is now a real website, as everyone wonders what will be released there. Adding to the mystery, retired U.S. Air Force Major General William Neil McCasland, who went missing almost a month ago, reportedly had a coworker who has also gone missing. Speculation is rampant that they both worked at Area 51 or another secret project. There’s plenty more from Ben Chasteen and Rob Counts on a new edition of Edge of Wonder.
