A Touch of Zen
A Touch of Zen, one of the most spectacular Chinese martial arts actioners of all time, is today’s Trillion Dollar Movie. The 1971 epic from writer-director King Hu served as a major inspiration for Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Key scenes and story elements also have been heavily paraphrased in both Star Wars and The Matrix.
It’s long — running more than three hours, divided into two parts — but sit back and enjoy the ride, as this film is guaranteed to sweep you up in the action given its lyrical beauty, heroic cast of Ming Dynasty
characters and breathtaking fight scenes. It’s also a genre-bending pleasure, starting off as a ghost story then morphing into a romantic comedy, a political thriller and a Buddhist parable, before finally evolving into a no-holds-barred martial arts extravaganza.
Much of the plot centers around Miss Yang, who bears a striking similarity to Princess Leia. Miss Yang lives in an abandoned, possibly haunted fortress, where she has gone into hiding to escape a brutal regime that tortured and killed her father. Ku, an impoverished scholar from a nearby village, takes a shine to this damsel in distress and emerges as her most steadfast defender. Together, joined by a small band of Shaolin monks, they will challenge the corrupt Eunuch Wei and his many evil minions.
King Hu, who perfected his craftsmanship working with the Shaw Brothers in Hong Kong, shot A Touch of Zen in Taiwan. He won a technical grand prize at the Cannes Film Festival recognizing his gorgeous landscapes as well as the special effects and editing behind the stunning swordplay. Hu continued making movies another 22 years, including Raining in the Mountains and Legends of the Mountains, both loosely based on the same source material as A Touch of Zen, namely, Pu Songling’s Strange Stories from a Chinese Studio. Some of his later works are worth seeking out, especially those with action choreography by Sammo Hung. Still, none quite compares with this milestone production.
Closed captioning available in English and Spanish. Enjoy, and do return next Friday for another Trillion $ Movie.
(EDITOR’S NOTE: The free full version of the movie has been removed from the Internet. In its absence, here is the original trailer.)

This week’s Trillion $ Movie, The Terror of Tiny Town, was billed as Hollywood’s first all-midget, musical Western upon its release in 1938. To this day, it remains the one and only example of the genre. Tiny Town came out under the imprimatur of the low-budget Spectrum Pictures Corporation, but Columbia Pictures subsequently picked up the title to fulfill the production quota it had promised to exhibitors.
Except for the pint-sized players, Tiny Town covers familiar Western turf. A gang of cattle rustlers, bushwhackers and murderers has pitted ranchers against each other in a Dry Gulch town. But the black-hatted villains don’t reckon on the heroics of Buck Lawson, a working cowpoke who rides around on a Shetland pony, lassos calves and easily saunters into the local saloon by walking under the swinging doors. Buck has a star-crossed love interest, and also inspires palpitations on the part of barroom chanteuse Nita, a sultry heartthrob inspired by Marlene Dietrich.
The Reptile, today’s Trillion Dollar Movie, comes from Britain’s Hammer Films horror factory that produced scores of Frankenstein, Dracula and Mummy movies. The monster in this 1966 feature is a little different — a she-devil who can transform into a venomous Queen Cobra snake. Her victims turn sickly green and begin foaming at the mouth before succumbing to what local villagers euphemistically call “the black death.”
Horrified, the doctor has returned with her to England, hoping to break the evil spell and find a cure for her malignant condition. She is actually quite beautiful, kind and artistic — for instance, she plays a mean sitar. But when temperatures rise, better not go walking out on the moors or you might slither into her hideous, scaly alter-ego. Her presence mortifies the locals, who are already a cold and suspicious bunch, shunning all outsiders. As the village idiot, Mad Pete, blurts out, “This is an e-e-e-evil place, corrupt and e-e-e-evil.”





The premise: A pandemic bacterial plague has wiped out everyone except Price, spared by virtue of having once been bitten by a vampire bat in Panama, inoculating him from the disease. He leads a lonely, monotonous existence, scavenging by day for food and supplies, and seeking out the vampire lairs so he can put them out of their misery by driving wooden stakes through their hearts. At nights, he retreats to a boarded-up sanctuary, blaring jazz records and drinking scotch, while the vampires gather outside, clamoring for his head.
Will you be tainted by watching it now? Let’s just say, if Mondo Hollywood came out today, it wouldn’t be slapped with an X rating or even an R, more likely a stiff PG-13. There are a few scenes of topless women, or as the poster boldly promises “Topless Girls! Trip Girls! Freak-Out Girls! Body Painted Girls! Mind Blowing Girls! Cycle Girls!” But by and large, the visuals are tame by today’s standards.

