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A Touch of Zen

A Touch of Zen, one of the most spectacular Chinese martial arts actioners of all time, is today’s Trillion Dollar Movie. The 1971 epic from writer-director King Hu served as a major inspiration for Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Key scenes and story elements also have been heavily paraphrased in both Star Wars and The Matrix.

It’s long — running more than three hours, divided into two parts — but sit back and enjoy the ride, as this film is guaranteed to sweep you up in the action given its lyrical beauty, heroic cast of Ming Dynasty characters and breathtaking fight scenes. It’s also a genre-bending pleasure, starting off as a ghost story then morphing into a romantic comedy, a political thriller and a Buddhist parable, before finally evolving into a no-holds-barred martial arts extravaganza.

Much of the plot centers around Miss Yang, who bears a striking similarity to Princess Leia. Miss Yang lives in an abandoned, possibly haunted fortress, where she has gone into hiding to escape a brutal regime that tortured and killed her father. Ku, an impoverished scholar from a nearby village, takes a shine to this damsel in distress and emerges as her most steadfast defender. Together, joined by a small band of Shaolin monks, they will challenge the corrupt Eunuch Wei and his many evil minions.

King Hu, who perfected his craftsmanship working with the Shaw Brothers in Hong Kong, shot A Touch of Zen in Taiwan. He won a technical grand prize at the Cannes Film Festival recognizing his gorgeous landscapes as well as the special effects and editing behind the stunning swordplay. Hu continued making movies another 22 years, including Raining in the Mountains and Legends of the Mountains, both loosely based on the same source material as A Touch of Zen, namely, Pu Songling’s Strange Stories from a Chinese Studio. Some of his later works are worth seeking out, especially those with action choreography by Sammo Hung. Still, none quite compares with this milestone production.

Closed captioning available in English and Spanish. Enjoy, and do return next Friday for another Trillion $ Movie.

(EDITOR’S NOTE: The free full version of the movie has been removed from the Internet. In its absence, here is the original trailer.)

The Terror of Tiny Town

This week’s Trillion $ Movie, The Terror of Tiny Town, was billed as Hollywood’s first all-midget, musical Western upon its release in 1938. To this day, it remains the one and only example of the genre. Tiny Town came out under the imprimatur of the low-budget Spectrum Pictures Corporation, but Columbia Pictures subsequently picked up the title to fulfill the production quota it had promised to exhibitors.

Producer Jed Buell bought into the concept, having made Hollywood’s first all-black, feature-length Western, Harlem on the Prairie, in 1937. After deciding to cast only midgets for his next novelty picture, he assembled a troupe of players that reportedly boasted an average height of 3 feet, 8 inches. Most of them had never appeared in a movie before, which is glaringly obvious from their clumsy and stilted line readings. But the experience would serve them well, as a year later, many of these same cast members got the call from MGM to flesh out roles as Munchkins in The Wizard of Oz.

Except for the pint-sized players, Tiny Town covers familiar Western turf. A gang of cattle rustlers, bushwhackers and murderers has pitted ranchers against each other in a Dry Gulch town. But the black-hatted villains don’t reckon on the heroics of Buck Lawson, a working cowpoke who rides around on a Shetland pony, lassos calves and easily saunters into the local saloon by walking under the swinging doors. Buck has a star-crossed love interest, and also inspires palpitations on the part of barroom chanteuse Nita, a sultry heartthrob inspired by Marlene Dietrich.

This isn’t a film that will set the prairie on fire, but it’s certainly distinctive, short (pun intended), moves quickly and has enough comic interludes (including a singalong with a penguin) to justify its marketing as “a rollickin’, rootin’, tootin’, shootin’ drama of the great outdoors.” In a week when the news has been dominated by debate over a politically incorrect, low-budget movie on YouTube, it’s rather apropos to resurrect The Terror of Tiny Town and celebrate the God-given, American freedom to create offensively bad movies. Enjoy and return next Friday for another Trillion $ Movie.

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The Reptile

The Reptile, today’s Trillion Dollar Movie, comes from Britain’s Hammer Films horror factory that produced scores of Frankenstein, Dracula and Mummy movies. The monster in this 1966 feature is a little different — a she-devil who can transform into a venomous Queen Cobra snake. Her victims turn sickly green and begin foaming at the mouth before succumbing to what local villagers euphemistically call “the black death.”

It all takes place, circa 1900, in Clagmore Heath, a remote town nestled among the moors of Cornwall, England. This is prime, howling-at-the-moon werewolf territory, but here the monster is instead an Oriental occult freak. Her father, a doctor of theology, had traveled to India, Java, Sumatra and Borneo to study secret Asian religious sects. After he got too close to a deadly snake cult in the jungles of Borneo, its high priests put a curse on his family — transforming his winsome daughter into the killer snake woman.

Horrified, the doctor has returned with her to England, hoping to break the evil spell and find a cure for her malignant condition. She is actually quite beautiful, kind and artistic — for instance, she plays a mean sitar. But when temperatures rise, better not go walking out on the moors or you might slither into her hideous, scaly alter-ego. Her presence mortifies the locals, who are already a cold and suspicious bunch, shunning all outsiders. As the village idiot, Mad Pete, blurts out, “This is an e-e-e-evil place, corrupt and e-e-e-evil.”

The Reptile has a few gaping plot holes and doesn’t contain a lot of gore, but it’s got chilling atmosphere to spare, and is well-mounted by director John Gilling, especially considering that, in a cost-saving measure, he was simultaneously shooting Plague of the Zombies at the same time, using the same locales, sets, props and many of the same actors. Australian Ray Barrett plays the obstinate newcomer who goes poking around to solve the mystery of the moors. Noel Willman is the creepy Dr. Franklyn and Jacqueline Pearce his ill-fated daughter. This film later served as one of the many inspirations for Ken Russell’s Lair of the White Worm. Enjoy and return next Friday for another Trillion $ Movie.

UPDATE: Unfortunately, the full movie has been removed from YouTube. Until or unless it is reposted, here is the trailer.

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Invaders from Mars

What’s the connection between condoms and Martian invaders?

Find out in today’s Trillion $ Movie, Invaders from Mars. The Martians fit the stereotype. Their leader is a little, green man inside a flying saucer who practices mind control on unwary humans by planting an electrode at the base of their skulls. The Martians don’t wear prophylactics, but body suits with zippers plainly visible on the backs. You can spot the condoms — more than 3,000 of them, all fully inflated — adorning the maze-like tunnels in the sandpit where the alien spaceship is hiding. The prop men first tried out balloons, but then switched to the blown-up condoms, finding they gave off a brighter red glow.

Republic Pictures’ Invaders from Mars, released in 1953, competed at the box office with It Came from Outer Space, Universal Pictures’ first 3-D movie. Invaders was also originally planned as a 3-D movie, but with a production budget of only $290,000, that option had to be scrapped. Still, it’s fun to count how many scenes have protuberances — like test tubes, telescopes and alien probes — jutting out in the foreground.

Invaders has one plot hook that distinguishes it from the many Alien Scare movies that proliferated during the 1950s. The hero is a 10-year-old boy, an astronomy geek, who not only witnesses the Martian landing, but leads the US Army in the counterattack. Talk about wish fulfillment for the kids watching the movie! Jimmy Hunt plays young David Maclean, while Leif Erickson is his father, transformed into an automaton by the “Mu-tants.” Rounding out the cast: Helena Carter and Arthur Franz as David’s surrogate parents, and the avuncular Morris Ankrum as the Army’s Col. Fielding.

The direction is by William Cameron Menzies, better known as a set designer on Gone With the Wind, The Son of the Sheik, The Thief of Bagdad and many other titles. Menzies’ visual flair is much evidence here, as in the scene where David gets hauled into a police station that looks strangely dreamlike and surreal, as if Salvador Dali might have designed it.  Enjoy and do return next Friday for another Trillion $ Movie!

InfraMan

Princess Dragon Mom

Today’s Trillion $ Movie, Inframan, is a 1975 film from Hong Kong that can stake out three claims to fame — some of the wildest mutant monsters on the planet, ferocious kung-fu action and the vixenish villainess, Princess Dragon Mom, a power-mad dominatrix who cracks a mean whip and looks like a cross between a Valkyrie and a K-pop star with bleached-blonde hair.

The film doesn’t waste any time. Hong Kong is practically leveled within the first three minutes, as Princess Dragon Mom awakens from a 1,000-year sleep, causing her volcanic lair, Mount Devil, to erupt and transform before our eyes into a skull-capped peak. She quickly summons her minions — the Octopus Mutant, the Laser Horn Monster, the Giant Beetle Monster, the Driller Beast, the Emperor of Doom, the Iron-Fist Robots, the She-Demon and her hordes of Skull Warriors. They stand ready to back up her nefarious plans for world dominion, which she plainly announces:

“Greetings to you, Earthlings! I am Princess Dragon Mom. I have taken over this planet. Now I own the Earth and you will be my slaves for all eternity.”

Just a few of Inframan’s foes.

Not so fast, Dragon Mom. At Science Patrol headquarters, Professor Chang scratches his loose-fitting toupee as he ponders how to protect the planet from a fate worse than death. His answer: Subject his willing assistant Rayma to a near-lethal dose of radiation. As a result of this bionic process, Rayma will become InfraMan, a flying superhero with X-ray vision, who can withstand “the suffering of hell” and fight back with Thunder Ball Fists.

Inframan was made by the Shaw Brothers, who cranked out fast-punching, hard-kicking kung-fu movies by the dozens. Here, they not only add a cool, sci-fi veneer, but also many wonderful layers of campy silliness. You won’t soon forget the sight of the mutant monsters dancing inside the cave they call home.  A Japanese superhero with his own TV show, Ultraman, inspired this Hong Kong knock-off, and both, in turn, served as forerunners for the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. Enjoy the fun, and do return next Friday for another Trillion $ Movie.

(EDITOR’S NOTE: The full movie of INFRAMAN is no longer available on YouTube, except for paying customers. Since we can’t show you the full movie, we’ll present the trailer as well as one of the better scenes.).

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The Jar

Today’s Trillion $ Movie isn’t a movie, per se, but an extended teleplay — arguably the creepiest and most memorable episode from The Alfred Hitchcock Hour series that ran from 1962 to 1965. The series encompassed 93 episodes, each introduced by the master of suspense, employing his inimitable dry wit, and each boasting a surprise final twist to shock and entertain viewers.

The Jar, a Southern Gothic-flavored tale, introduces Charlie Hill, who becomes the toast of Wilder’s Hollow in the Louisiana swamp country after he shells out $12.25 to buy a freak sideshow relic from a carnival barker. The relic, a mysterious jar, contains a deformed, pulpy creature floating in formaldehyde.  Charlie has never gotten much respect in Wilder’s Hollow — least of all from his slutty, two-timing wife Thedy Sue — but his acquisition gives him new status. The townsfolk gather nightly in Charlie’s parlor to gaze at the jar. Everyone takes something different away from the experience, coming to project their long-held fears and traumas.

What makes The Jar so eerie? It holds a powerful, primeval appeal, growing out of “The Thing” in the jar. Ray Bradbury wrote the original 1944 short story upon which the teleplay was based, and he described the creature as  “one of those pale things drifting in alcohol plasma…with its peeled, dead eyes staring out at you and never seeing you.” Bradbury later wrote many more carnival-themed horror stories, collecting this one in his anthologies The October Country and The Dark Carnival, before going on to complete his masterful carnival opus Something Wicked This Way Comes.

Besides its strong narrative arc, the episode also benefits from an exceptional cast, mostly veteran TV performers who got a chance here to show much more dramatic range than we associate with them. Pat Buttram, Mr. Haney on Green Acres, plays Charlie and George Lindsey, Goober on Mayberry RFD, appears as the dumb-bunny Juke. Other players include Slim Pickens, Jane Darwell and Joceyln Brando, Marlon’s sister.

Norman Lloyd, who directed, was one of the original members of the Mercury Theatre with Orson Welles and John Houseman. Lloyd originally came Hollywood at Hitchock’s invitation to handle a small role in Saboteur and remained a lifelong associate, advancing to executive producer for The Alfred Hitchcock Hour. He obviously had a taste for the macabre, as besides Hitchcock, he counted Christopher Lee as a close friend.

Unfortunately, YouTube doesn’t host The Jar intact, so you’ll have to watch it in four short segments. When the picture freezes at the end of each segment, that’s the signal to move on to the next chapter. Hope you enjoy, and do return next Friday for another Trillion ($) Movie.

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Last Man on Earth

Today’s Trillion Dollar Movie, Last Man on Earth, has been acknowledged by George A. Romero as one of the major works he “ripped off” in creating Night of the Living Dead. It’s an eerie, atmospheric adaptation of Richard Matheson’s I Am Legend, the first of four movies based on that same tale, also including The Omega Man with Charlton Heston and I Am Legend with Will Smith. Here, Vincent Price portrays the stoic hero, presumably the last man alive, battling to survive against hordes of zombie-like vampires that awake each night to stalk the Earth.

The premise: A pandemic bacterial plague has wiped out everyone except Price, spared by virtue of having once been bitten by a vampire bat in Panama, inoculating him from the disease. He leads a lonely, monotonous existence, scavenging by day for food and supplies, and seeking out the vampire lairs so he can put them out of their misery by driving wooden stakes through their hearts. At nights, he retreats to a boarded-up sanctuary, blaring jazz records and drinking scotch, while the vampires gather outside, clamoring for his head.

The film’s official tagline sets the tone, “By night they leave their graves crawling, shambling, though empty streets, whimpering, pleading, begging for his blood!”

Britain’s Hammer Films originally acquired the rights to Matheson’s story, but passed along the project to American International Pictures, which produced the 1964 film on a shoestring budget in Rome, Italy. Matheson helped to co-write the screenplay, but withdrew his credit (going under the pseudonym Logan Swanson) after having creative differences with Price. Still, this is probably the one I Am Legend adaptation that best captures the mood of the book, while adhering most literally to its narrative twists.

Some modern viewers find it a little too languid and slow-moving for their tastes, but its groundbreaking importance can’t be denied. Its influence can be seen in practically every zombie movie made over the last half-century, notably Night of the Living Dead, but also Danny Boyle’s 28 Days Later. Enjoy and return next Friday for another Trillion ($) Movie.

7 Grandmasters

Today’s Trillion Dollar Movie, 7 Grandmasters, might not be the most groundbreaking martial arts movie, but it still stands as a spirited embodiment of Old School Kung Fu. Writer-producer-director Joseph Kuo perfected his craft working with the Shaw Brothers in Hong Kong before returning to his native Taiwan in 1978 to make this indie.

Kuo didn’t have a lot of production money behind him, but he compensated by hiring some of the best fight choreographers and stuntmen around, and casting unknowns who proved to be exceptionally talented. Jack Long, later seen in Master of the Flying Guillotine, plays Shang Kuan Cheng, a celebrated kung-fu champion nearing retirement. He’s just about to kick his kick-ass ways when he accepts one last challenge — to travel around the countryside, proving he can still defeat all of the known masters.  Each employs a different mode of attack, while Cheng retaliates with his signature Pai Mei Fist Style.

Buoyed by crack editing and camerawork, the film wastes no time in demonstrating a wild variety of fighting techniques. There are also the obligatory comic interludes, as Cheng reluctantly picks up a new disciple, a devoted but buffoon-like protege who ultimately helps save the geezer’s bacon.  “You’re a fool,” Cheng tells the boy, “but you’ve got guts.”

It’s entertaining and also instructive. Afterwards, you’ll know exactly why you should never munch on a chicken’s anus. Enjoy, and join us again next Friday for another Trillion ($) Movie.

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Mondo Hollywood

The first of the Italian-made Mondo Cane documentaries appeared in 1963. These weren’t documentaries so much as shockumentaries that journeyed to remote and usually primitive corners of the globe, capturing the bizarre and titillating habits of the natives. Today’s Trillion Dollar Movie, Mondo Hollywood, is an American-made riff on these lurid Italian travelogues, except it represents a departure of sorts from the Mondo formula by exposing what was primitive and bizarre among the supposed artistic and intellectual elite of Hollywood, then the undisputed movie-making capital of the world.

Writer-director-producer-editor Robert Carl Cohen began shooting his footage in 1965 and wrapped two years later in 1967. The film earned a release in the United States, albeit with a dreaded X rating, forbidding admission by anyone under the age of 16. However, the lucrative European markets proved off-limits when a scheduled 1968 premiere at the Avignon Film Festival was canceled after French censors banned the showing on the grounds that Mondo Hollywood “presents an apology for a certain number of perversities, including drugs and homosexuality, and constitutes a danger to the mental health of the public by its visual aggressivity and the psychology of its editing.”

Will you be tainted by watching it now? Let’s just say, if Mondo Hollywood came out today, it wouldn’t be slapped with an X rating or even an R, more likely a stiff PG-13. There are a few scenes of topless women, or as the poster boldly promises “Topless Girls! Trip Girls! Freak-Out Girls! Body Painted Girls! Mind Blowing Girls! Cycle Girls!”  But by and large, the visuals are tame by today’s standards.

Not so tame are the strange, freaky denizens from the underside of Hollywood who attracted much of Cohen’s attention. He introduces the first hippies, the first New Agers, the anti-war protesters, those practicing alternative sex and those experimenting with drugs inspired by LSD guru Richard Alpert, who later transformed himself into Baba Ram Dass. We meet celebrity hairdresser Jay Sebring, murdered along with Sharon Tate by the Charles Manson Family, and also catch a glimpse of a young member of The Family, Bobby Beausoleil, modeling as Cupid. The creepiest scene captures fashion designer Rudi Gernreich, creator of the topless swimsuit and a co-founder of the Mattachine Society, producing a children’s fashion show with a topless six-year-old swirling around to reveal her “sexy” body.

Besides these hedonists, Cohen documents the forces of conservatism gathering to preserve morality, including newly elected California Governor Ronald Reagan. But Cohen’s sentiments clearly align with the fringe dwellers, who are given the opportunity to narrate their own stories,  while the conservatives are portrayed as stiff caricatures and never allowed to explain themselves in their own words. In hindsight, that might be a blessing in disguise, as the thrill-seekers idolized by Cohen now come across as vain, vacuous, silly and, quite often, stupid. “Everything bores me to death,” says onetime B-movie actress-turned-sculptor Valerie Porter. “The only thing I find interesting is myself.”

Also of historical note: Mike Curb, the musical director, later composed campaign theme songs for Richard Nixon and Ronald Reagan, and Curb himself ran successfully, as a Republican, for lieutenant governor of California. His opponent, Mervyn M. Dymally, used Mondo Hollywood to bludgeon Curb, claiming the film was “pornographic” and that Curb “sang falsetto in a bathtub scene with two lesbians.” Curb first denied the charges, then admitted them, going on to win nevertheless.

Do see the accompanying Call Me Stormy post, “Before There Was PETA,” for more on Mondo Hollywood.  And join us next Friday for another Trillion ($) Movie.

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Blood From The Mummy’s Tomb

In honor of the Olympics opening in London, today’s Trillion Dollar Movie is Blood from the Mummy’s Tomb, the most original of the four mummy movies produced by that bastion of British cinema, Hammer Films. The 1971 release is adapted from Bram Stoker’s novel Jewel of the Seven Stars, which also served as the source for The Awakening, starring Charlton Heston.

Valerie Leon

Blood from the Mummy’s Tomb differs markedly from your run-of-the-mill mummy movie, starting with the title character, the Egyptian sorceress Queen Tera. She’s never wrapped in linen swathings, but instead wears a trifling, chain-metal outfit even more revealing than Princess Leia’s bikini. All the better to show off the voluptuous charms of Valerie Leon, a James Bond Girl from The Spy Who Loved Me, who plays dual roles as Tera and as Margaret Fuchs, an Egyptologist’s daughter possessed by the evil spirit of the sorceress. One note: Leon did have a nudity clause, though, so in the fleeting scene where you catch a flash of Margaret’s tush, that’s a body double!

It’s an elaborate thriller, full of star-crossed secret cults, madmen, some blood-tingling gore and even hints of incestuous necrophilia. Peter Cushing originally was supposed to play Professor Fuchs, but left the cast after his longtime wife died. Misfortune struck again when director Seth Holt succumbed to a heart attack a week before the production wrapped.  Perhaps the film should have been renamed Curse of the Mummy’s Tomb, but it holds together quite well, even after all the setbacks. Enjoy, and return next Friday for another Trillion ($) Movie.

UPDATE: The full movie has been removed from YouTube. Until or unless it’s reposted, here is the trailer.

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